Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
