I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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