and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
