I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
