Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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