Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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