there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
