Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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