It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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