He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
