i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I deserve this hangover.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
