Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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