You can't special order awesome
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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