We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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