i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
