Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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