so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
