We won't sleep together?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
