That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
