Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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