question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
