A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
So squirting runs in the family.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
