For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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