Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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