If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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