Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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