Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
no you cant smoke seaweed
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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