Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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