i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
