Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize