Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
