what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
