end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
