i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
