Can Purell be used as lube?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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