Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
