I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
only you would photoshop your dick
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm too high and old for this...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.