Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested