Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
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Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
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we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.