he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
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i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.