alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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