Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
