she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
