1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
