a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
