It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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