I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
