My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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