WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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