I skipped work to stalk him.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I would fuck him just for his dog
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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