That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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