seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
