was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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