I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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