After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
