Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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