I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
