She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
