remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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