he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
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He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
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Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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