tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
