I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
