The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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