Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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