So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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