I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
