i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
