I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
